Food, Glorious Food

It was Christmas morning. They had filled their bellies with a glorious brunch complete with turkey, ham and cranberries and retired to the sun room to sit around the tree, digest the food and open presents. The dog named Fiona even received a gift which when she carefully ripped away the wrapping paper revealed a bright new rawhide bone! Lucky puppy. Her master gave it to her with the intention that she would be kept busy while the humans opened their gifts. Some time passed and Fiona was thought to be chewing on said bone in the joining room like she had been earlier. Her master asked “Where’s Fiona?” for it was much too quiet in the house (for those of you who own or have owned a Terrier know what I’m talking about).

With the search on the way, Fiona was in fact, not in the joining room chewing on her shiny new Christmas bone. No! She most likely got bored of the present opening and decided to go on crumb patrol throughout the house. After all, it was Christmas and she figured there would be something to clean up. She made it all the way to the dining room where all the food was and sniffed the air ever so slightly. She’s not dumb. She knows what happens on that table. The humans eat delicious food day after day. She smells it and often gets scolded for even looking at her masters while they eat. With these thoughts swirling around in her head she decided, she was going to take back all those times. “It had worked after the Thanksgiving meal,” she said while tilting her head to the side. She remembered the sting of the swat she received on her butt that day when she gave in to her better judgment.

She scanned the room and noticed the humans pushed in all but one of the chairs around the dining room table, which allowed her to climb to the top of the table with ease. With all the smells still luring her and the memory of the Pumpkin Cheesecake that greeted her a few weeks ago at Thanksgiving, she was somewhat disappointed. The food was gone. All put away except for a few crumbs on the table cloth…. but wait. It was not all put away! For a dish about 5″ high and 4″ wide held a mound of homemade chocolates. Peppermint Bark to be exact. “It’s not the ham, but it will do.. after all, it’s Christmas,” she said as she positioned herself over the bowl of chocolates.

“Fiona come!” the human called while entering the dining room only to see a white Christmas dog inhaling what was left of the Peppermint Bark. “FIONA!!” It was too late. She had eaten all but 2 pieces at the bottom of the bowl. Fiona was so pleased with herself. The scolding was always worth it.. anything was worth it for food. Food, glorious food. She was then chased into the sun room to join the other humans as they finished the present opening. “Ahhh…” Fiona sighed as she picked a spot in the middle of the floor to lay. She was content. Her belly was full of chocolate. What a perfect Christmas gift to herself.

A little while went by and her other master left in the car saying he would be right back. She was feeling sleepy and a little bloated. But who doesn’t on Christmas. Just then, her master and her master’s mom grabbed her and pried her mouth open. What were they doing? In an instant, this strange taste covered the inside of her mouth.. it was overpowering. She was held in place in the kitchen while the master massaged her belly. It was a little uncomfortable since it was stuffed with chocolate. A few minutes later the other master returned carrying a bottle. “The salt didn’t work?” he asked. “No, but the hydrogen peroxide will.” Fiona tried to fight it, but her 15 pound body was quickly overpowered. The icky tasting liquid was poured down her throat with a little dripping around her scruffy face onto the floor. Little did Fiona know that the hydrogen peroxide was now making millions of tiny bubbles in her already crammed belly. It didn’t take long. As fast as the chocolate was scarfed down, it was thrown up all over a strategically positioned paper plate on the floor. The humans won again and the poor Christmas Dog was left with a bad taste in her mouth.

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