Ok.. there I said it. My secret nickname that was given to me when I was 3. I usually never tell anyone what my nickname is because it’s a little embarrassing but I guess that is what blogs are for, right? You may be wondering how I got that nick name, well.. As a child I was pretty hyper and a little dare devil. As my mom would say “She would just run right off the end of the couch!” or something like that. Lets see.. I climbed a pine tree once when I was 7 because there were starlings nesting at the top of it and I had never seen a starling nest.. well.. pine tree branches aren’t really that sturdy and I ended up falling about 10′ – 15′ and landed right on my upper back. I bounced and it hurt… I was scared because my mom and dad were going to take my brother and I to Bay Beach and I thought I was in trouble.. but we still went. So I was an avid tree climber and was quite good at it. The higher the tree the better the view. I also like to catch any rodent or reptile I could get my hands on. I played with the neighborhood kids every day.. bike rides, tackle foot ball (and I don’t throw like a girl), base ball, street hockey, basket ball, roller blading, soccer. I was really an active kid.. I didn’t like Barbies or dressing up. I liked to make forts in the woods and start fires. My legs and elbows had scars all over them. This carried on to my teenage years. I didn’t get in trouble at all, but I liked to drive fast, gallop horses so fast that tears would stream down my face and do an assortment of dangerous and risky things.
This picture portrays a typical riding day in my YeeHaw! days. This must be about 2002. The horse I am riding is Echo.. I think he is a quarter horse morgan cross. He was my favorite horse to ride and was fast and loved to gallop. He reared like this as a trick.. looking at this picture now it looks like he is doing the levade. He was probably a RBE on the horsenality chart.
Now look at this picture, does it make your heart flutter a little? I asked him for a really high rear here so my friend could get a better picture!
Fast Forward about 2 years… I was “tuning up” Echo and we had a discussion that led to him rearing just like this and flipping over on top of me breaking my femur and severing my femoral artery. Real cool huh?! After an ambulance trip, 4 hours of surgery, 4 days in the hospital, 48 staples, lots of morphine and vicodin, 6 months of physical therapy and 1 year of constant pain, Hurricane Heidi disappeared and Wimpy Heidi came forth. I had a lot of muscle atrophy and lost a lot of strength in my whole body.. I am sill not as strong as I was then and it bothers me. Anyway.. I also got wimpy when it came to taking risks.. I just plain didn’t take risks. I was even afraid to drive! I wasn’t scared of Charm at all because I trusted her, but did have some emotional times when I started to ride again. As I have said here and there in other posts, I am still struggling with fear from this accident. I think it really put me in touch with death in a way.. if he would have fallen 12″ further, he would have crushed my chest!
Lately though, I think I may be breaking the hold this has on me. In a way, I am glad that I am a little more cautious because I was really careless in the past. I just need to find the balance. My 3rd year anniversary of the accident is coming up in August. Lately I have just been trying to block out the WARNING sirens in my head and just do the task at hand. For example, I am riding Java! I know this isn’t really a big deal, but it is to me! The cool thing is that I am not fearful to get on him.. I would have been a few months ago. Today I also took a motorcycle ride with Adam.. that was also a big step for me.
We all struggle with fear in one way or another, now you know my way. I hope to enjoy taking risks again and to just be smarter about it!